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Annoying shit: part one
me 09

Annoying shit: part one.

(reposted from myspace blog)

Seriously, things that are unavoidable like long lines and shit or honest mistakes like when the poor kid who gets paid 2 bucks an hour after tax messes up your order and all you have to do is point it out and it's fixed... that kinda stuff doesn't annoy me at all. A few of the things that DO annoy me are presented here for your blog-o-tainment.

* Words or phrases repeated incessantly without the intent of being funny.

Car dealership commercials are especially guilty of this crime against humanity. It's always in that painfully irritating Top 40 DJ / Monster truck show announcer voice.
"At BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET we've got deals that'll put your grandma in a coma. Come on Down to BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET and we'll send you away in a car or truck with NO MONEY DOWN! At BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET, we'll give you coffee, donuts and a handjob. No money? No job? No limbs? A Nasty meth addiction? NO PROBLEM at BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET! At BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET, we love you long time...."
If you fucking say BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET, one more time I'm gonna firebomb the place and gut Big Dan like a trout!!!

There was also an abomination of a weight watcher's commercial where some chick kept saying "Look at me!" "Look at me! I lost 12 pounds! Look at me! I fit into these jeans again! Look at me! I'm 12 pounds less and 12 times the sexy! LOOK AT ME!"
Look at me! I'm the most annoying person on the face of the earth! Look at me! Christ Almighty, whyyyy won't you looook at meeeeheehhehe!!??

This can also happen in everyday life, often when someone is trying to explain something and they keep saying 'basically". "Basically, if you want to have sex with your best friend's dad, all you basically need, is some roofies, some lube and basically any sort of beverage. Basically, you find out what their dad's favorite beverage is. Basically..."
Dude, if you say "basically" one more time, I'm going to shank you in the junk!

* People who say and/or believe the stupidest shit.

Okay, now I say stupid shit all the time but I'm just being a jackass. Sometimes people believe this shit with utter conviction and sincerity!

An example close to home is those goddamn people reposting things like "If you don't repost this within 8 minutes and 14 seconds, no one will ever love you and you'll get crabs from a toilet seat but if you do repost it, you'll be the next Miss America (even if your [sic] a guy)" and then it comes with this dumb disclaimer like "Sorry, guys, I know these things are bullshit but I don't want crabs and I could really use the Miss America money." Wha...? HUH?! I'm going to post a bulletin that says "Now that you've read this, if you ever repost a chain bulletin again, karma will give you and everyone you care about bird flu, acne and a lifetime of bad haircuts and monkeys will shit in your favorite hat." What will they do when they get another chain bulletin? Which one do they blindly, slavishly obey?! Hopefully, the stress will give them an aneurism. Please, for the love of Mindy Cohn, stop with that shit!

Another example is stupid logic like "If a guy is a good dancer, that means he's good in bed" Why? 'Cause his hips work and he can move in sync to a 4/4 beat that just about any conscious living being could follow? C'mon now! Or "That guy's got big hands, you know what that means!" Ummm... His gloves are also big? He's got a genetic edge at handball? His liquid hand soap expenses are higher than average? I give up.

Also, annoying are trite beliefs and sentiments like "Everything happens for a reason" -but truth be told, I like this particular one because it gives me carte blanche to pimp slap 'em and say "You're right. and the reason there? You're a goddamn halfwit! Good day, sir!" and storm off.

** Note: You should always say "Good Day, sir!" right after you slap someone and right before briskly exiting. It's just proper.

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i stop talking to anyone who sends me chain emails (after sending them a snotty response with a link to snopes or urbanlegends).

good dancing has sex appeal but that's definitely not the same as actual skill once in the bedroom.

agreed and agreed. At least the ones that can be dismissed by snopes have some sort of reasoning behind forwarding... but the ones that are just like forward this and your life will be awesome, delete it and you'll be oh so unfortunate. Those are the ones that you're like "do you just believe ANYTHING that you read?! Are you that superstitious that it superceeds ANY rational thought? If so, send me a thousand bucks and within 5 years you will win 10,000 but if you don't many cute, baby animals will die."

And yes, watching someone dance can make you think of sex... but to equate it with sexual prowess... that's just dumb.

btw, you gots a myspace page? If so, add me.

if you don't have a myspace page, your spleen will ache for 19 weeks. HAHA!

i'm sorta lucky cause most of the people have my email address are nerds already, but i occasionally get them from random people from the music sites i run and then they get a smackdown

nope, no myspace. i'm too leftylibertariansnobby to have a profile on a site owned by fox news

i do have friendster

Oh my darling xaotica. I DO understand! I had my myspace before Mister Murdoch aquired it... But now, I get a perverse thrill from blogging freely within the belly of the fox beast.

For example: Here I cut & paste a myspace entry where I name the MAN by name. And am I afraid of the consequences? No! for I am a Fearless Revolutionary! VIVA LA REVOLUTION!

I-pods & monkey abuse...

Listen, Myspace advertisers... I don't care how many cheap ploys you throw at me for "free" I-Pods, I'm not going to throw boomerangs or coconuts at monkeys unless they are attacking me and threatening my package and I don't have a tranquilizer gun handy. Your little game to try and encourage violence against monkeys will not lure me... In fact, keep it up and, well, MY ARMY OF TRAINED MONKEYS WILL DESTROY YOU!! I know there is no such thing as a free I-pod. It always involves hurting a monkey or giving a handjob to a wealthy businessman or naming your myspace friends as potential terrorists. Take your so-called free I-pod and peddle it elsewhere... like up your cold, tight, dead buttholes! Monkeys are good people and people who think George W. is a cocksucker are not terrorists! They are my friends! I'm on to you, Rupert Murdoch! I can not be bought with an I-pod! I will not be one of your "Pod People". I am pure and my pure and true love will turn your evil hearts into mild-medium salsa. Make no mistake, I stand for truth and compassion and tolerance and understanding and MONKEYS!!

Don't fuck with the monkeys, bitch. Just. Don't. You've been warned!


No worries, Ms Xaotica, I will continue to cross post my blogs here.

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