Annoying shit: part one.
(reposted from myspace blog)
Seriously, things that are unavoidable like long lines and shit or honest mistakes like when the poor kid who gets paid 2 bucks an hour after tax messes up your order and all you have to do is point it out and it's fixed... that kinda stuff doesn't annoy me at all. A few of the things that DO annoy me are presented here for your blog-o-tainment.
* Words or phrases repeated incessantly without the intent of being funny.
Car dealership commercials are especially guilty of this crime against humanity. It's always in that painfully irritating Top 40 DJ / Monster truck show announcer voice.
"At BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET we've got deals that'll put your grandma in a coma. Come on Down to BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET and we'll send you away in a car or truck with NO MONEY DOWN! At BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET, we'll give you coffee, donuts and a handjob. No money? No job? No limbs? A Nasty meth addiction? NO PROBLEM at BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET! At BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET, we love you long time...."
If you fucking say BIG DAN'S TOYOTA-CHEVROLET, one more time I'm gonna firebomb the place and gut Big Dan like a trout!!!
There was also an abomination of a weight watcher's commercial where some chick kept saying "Look at me!" "Look at me! I lost 12 pounds! Look at me! I fit into these jeans again! Look at me! I'm 12 pounds less and 12 times the sexy! LOOK AT ME!"
Look at me! I'm the most annoying person on the face of the earth! Look at me! Christ Almighty, whyyyy won't you looook at meeeeheehhehe!!??
This can also happen in everyday life, often when someone is trying to explain something and they keep saying 'basically". "Basically, if you want to have sex with your best friend's dad, all you basically need, is some roofies, some lube and basically any sort of beverage. Basically, you find out what their dad's favorite beverage is. Basically..."
Dude, if you say "basically" one more time, I'm going to shank you in the junk!
* People who say and/or believe the stupidest shit.
Okay, now I say stupid shit all the time but I'm just being a jackass. Sometimes people believe this shit with utter conviction and sincerity!
An example close to home is those goddamn people reposting things like "If you don't repost this within 8 minutes and 14 seconds, no one will ever love you and you'll get crabs from a toilet seat but if you do repost it, you'll be the next Miss America (even if your [sic] a guy)" and then it comes with this dumb disclaimer like "Sorry, guys, I know these things are bullshit but I don't want crabs and I could really use the Miss America money." Wha...? HUH?! I'm going to post a bulletin that says "Now that you've read this, if you ever repost a chain bulletin again, karma will give you and everyone you care about bird flu, acne and a lifetime of bad haircuts and monkeys will shit in your favorite hat." What will they do when they get another chain bulletin? Which one do they blindly, slavishly obey?! Hopefully, the stress will give them an aneurism. Please, for the love of Mindy Cohn, stop with that shit!
Another example is stupid logic like "If a guy is a good dancer, that means he's good in bed" Why? 'Cause his hips work and he can move in sync to a 4/4 beat that just about any conscious living being could follow? C'mon now! Or "That guy's got big hands, you know what that means!" Ummm... His gloves are also big? He's got a genetic edge at handball? His liquid hand soap expenses are higher than average? I give up.
Also, annoying are trite beliefs and sentiments like "Everything happens for a reason" -but truth be told, I like this particular one because it gives me carte blanche to pimp slap 'em and say "You're right. and the reason there? You're a goddamn halfwit! Good day, sir!" and storm off.
** Note: You should always say "Good Day, sir!" right after you slap someone and right before briskly exiting. It's just proper.