Reposted as a courtesy to those of you not hip to my myspace blog.
1. What does your MySpace headline mean?
I think "My army of trained monkeys will destroy you!" Is pretty self-explanitory.
2. Elaborate on your default photo:
It's quite clear that I am a wiz with the photoshop and have WAY too much free time.
3. How many comments do you have?
Not enough to win the blue ribbon and the Foghat T-shirt.
4. what's your current relationship status?
It's safe to assume that a 35 year old man with no steady income to speak of and a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fixation would be single.
5. What exactly are you wearing right now?
My Little Pony pajamas and a welder's mask.
6. What is your current problem?
What's YOUR current problem, fuckface!
7. What do you love most?
Oh, that rare treasure of true love... and oral sex.
8. What makes you most happy?
A hot sex addicted woman with lots of disposable income and endless devotion to only me. You know, in theory. I'm assuming here.
9. Are you musically inclined?
Question 10 has been removed due to being really stupid.
okay, I'll take your word for it. Like the water one below isn't??
11. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?
Tampering with the course of history is irresponsible and dangerous. I'd go try to make my life better and I'd find myself working at Arby's with a bad STD.
12. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?
No question. An Otter! Those little fuckers are adorable.
13. Ever have a near death experience?
There was that time I beat Death at chess. That was awesome.
14. Name an obvious quality you have?
15. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
"Girl you know it's true" by Milli Vanilli... Now it's stuck in YOUR head, isn't it? Oh, I'm evil.
16. Are you happy today?
You should always assume that I am brooding.
17. Who will cut and paste this first?
Kim... or one of the other people on my friends page.
18. Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Herman Hesse, Polly Holiday and Matt Sweeney.
19. When was the last time you drank water?
Why would anyone think that this could in any way be an interesting question?
20. How many icons are showing on your taskbar?
I don't have a "taskbar", I have happily joined the cult of Mac.
21. Have you ever been in a fight?
The first rule is I'm not supposed to talk about it.
22. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
Back in my boy band days, yeah... Til that fucking Lou Perlman ripped us off.
23. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex:
Whether I'm cooler and better looking than their boyfriend or not.
24. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
A CD. I make all my music purchases from Starbucks.
25. What is your biggest mistake?
Being a no good slacker. and that thing with the ketchup bottle.
26. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Just that time I tried to crucify myself. You can never get that last nail in.
(yes, I stole that joke from The Young Ones)
27. Say something totally random about you?
My penis wants to be your friend.
28. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
People say I look like Sarah Michelle Gellar until I point out that I'm the guy on the left.
29. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
If you mean, like Tom & Jerry then yeah, if you're talking about something sick then no.
30. Did you have braces?
I did... on my soul.
31. Are you comfortable with your height?
Yes, except when it means that runway models won't date me.
33. Do you speak any other languages?
Aramaic. Also, What happened to #32?
34. What is your favorite smell?
Women. And I don't JUST mean that in the pervy way... although, yeah that too. -and fresh ground coffee.
35. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
If you've ever seen me in real life, you'd know how absurd this question is.
36. What magazines do you read?
Affluent Golfer, Beagle Enthusiast, Ebony, Knitting!, and Big Booty Latinas.
37. Have you ever ridden in a Hummer limo?
I'd sooner stick my jimmy in a hornet's nest.
38. Has anyone you were really close with passed away?
Only my dog. Thanks for bumming me out, dick! I hope you never get "Girl you know it's true" out of your head!
39. Do you ever watch MTV?
Yeah. and? What are you implying? That I jack off while watching TRL?
Cause I don't! I swear!
40. What's something that really annoys you?
Well, homeboy, I made a whole post about that. Why don't you take your lazy ass and go read it.
41. What's something you really like?
I like sunshine on a cloudy day.
42. Do you like Michael Jackson?
I like some of his older music but I never slept over his house if that's what you're suggesting.
43. Do you give random hugs and kisses?
Not since the arrests, restraining orders and kicks to the groin starting piling up.
44. What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
What? sorry. I was going to make a Viagra joke but I nodded off...
45. Have you ever been rushed into the emergency room?
No. I strut in with all kindsa bad-ass, tough guy swagger.
- More questionable wit in answer form.